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English Humour

humour
SCOTTISH APPETITE
One day two friends were sitting in a restaurant. One of them, a Scotsman, told his friends he would bet ten shillings that he could eat a turkey and three pounds of sausages. Of course his friends did not believe this. So the turkey was roasted and put before him on the table. With great astonishment his friends watched him eating the bird. And after some minutes he also swallowed the three pounds of sausages! So they had to pay the money.
The Scotsman finally drank some glasses of beer and then went home together with one of his friends. But when they arrived at the front door of the house, the Scotsman said to his friend: “Please don’t tell my wife that I’ve eaten so much.”
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Moscow in numbers

Alexandrovsky Garden

Alexandrovsky Garden

The first, the longest, the tallest

The first Metro line went into service on May 15, 1935, between Sokolniki and Gorki Park. The 11.6-kilometre line served 13 stations. The longest line in Moscow today is the Кaluzhsko-Rizhskay line, from Medvedkovo to Bitsevsky Park. It takes 58 minutes and 30 seconds to travel the 38 km. The Moscow Metro is the busiest underground system in the world. Each day, it carries 9 million passengers, twice as many as either the London Underground or the Paris Metro.

The first railroad station in Moscow was the Nikolayevskiy, later renamed the Leningradskiy, built in 1849. The first rail line between Moscow and St Petersburg was inaugurated in 1851.
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Famous Aphorisms by Bernard Shaw

George Bernard Shaw

George Bernard Shaw

He who can, does; he who cannot, teaches. — Тот, кто может, делает; тот, кто не может, учит.

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. — Мы узнаем из опыта, что человек никогда ничему не учится из опыта.

Never take advice. Do everything you were told not to do, to break away from the tyranny of the past. — Никогда не принимайте советы. Делайте все, что вам сказали не делать, чтобы оторваться от тирании прошлого.

If you begin by sacrificing yourself to those you love, you will end by hating those to whom you have sacrificed yourself. Self sacrifice is suicide. — Если вы начнете жертвовать собой ради тех, кого вы любите, вы закончите тем, что будете ненавидеть тех, ради кого пожертвовали собой. Самопожертвование – это самоубийство.
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Mausoleum at Halicarnassus

Mausoleum at Halicarnassus

Mausoleum at Halicarnassus

Halicarnassus was one of the most beautiful and richest cities of Asia Minor. It was the capital of the kingdom of Caria, a province of the Persian Empire in what is now south-west Turkey. Halicarnassus was the native city of Herodotus, «father of History». The magnificent temples of Halicarnassus, made of white marble, beautiful palaces, theatres, gardens and fountains attracted visitors from many countries. One of the fountains near the temple of Aphrodite was especially popular. People believed that its magic water could return love and bring happiness to lovers.
When the Persians made Mesopotamia, Asia Minor, Northern India, Syria and Egypt part of their kingdom, the King of Persia found it difficult to control his vast empire. He could do it only with the help of local rulers, the satraps.
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The Titanic – lost and found

The Titanic – lost and found

The Titanic – lost and found

If I had been present at the creation, I’d have given some useful hints for the better ordering of the universe. (Alphonse the Learned — A. D. 1221-1284)

The Titanic was the biggest ship the world had ever seen. People said it was the fastest ship too. But on its very first trip the Titanic sank to the bottom of the sea! How did this terrible thing happen? And where is the wreck of the great ship now?

UNSINKABLE AND LUXURIOUS!
It’s spring of 1912. The whole world is talking about “The Wonder Ship” built by the British. The name of the ship is the ‘Titanic’, She is the biggest ship the world has ever seen. She is as tall as an eleven-story building and is almost four city blocks long! In April the ship is getting ready to leave on its maiden trip across the ocean. She is going all the way from England to America.
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Phrases from fables

dog in the manger

Dog in the manger

Have you ever heard the expression crocodile tears?
An old fable has it that crocodiles cry bitterly after eating a victim. Their tears are to show how sorry they feel for the innocent person. So the expression crocodile tears has come to mean ‘make-believe sorrow or sadness.’

One of Aesop’s fables tells of a fox who wanted some beautiful, sweet-smelling grapes. The fox tried and tried to get the grapes, but they were just a bit higher than he could reach. When the fox realized that he couldn’t reach the grapes, he walked away. As he left, he told himself that the grapes were probably sour and that he really didn’t want them. Now, when someone says something bad about something they want and can’t have, we sometimes say that they are experiencing sour grapes.
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On money and wealth

On money and wealth

On money and wealth

A prosperous man is never sure that he is loved for himself. Lucan — Процветающий человек никогда не уверен, что любят его самого. Лукан

Money spent on the brain is never spent in vain. Proverb — Деньги, потраченные на мозг никогда не потрачены зря. Пословица

He doesn’t possess wealth that allows it to possess him. B. Franklin — Тот не владеет богатством, кто позволяет богатству овладеть собой. Б. Франклин

The human species, according to the best theory I can form of it, is composed of two distinct races, the men who borrow, and the men who lend. Ch. Lamb — Человеческий вид, в соответствии с лучшей теорией, которую я могу сформулировать, состоит из двух отдельных рас, люди, которые занимают, и те, которые дают взаймы. Ч. Лэм
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