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English Humour

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SCOTTISH APPETITE
One day two friends were sitting in a restaurant. One of them, a Scotsman, told his friends he would bet ten shillings that he could eat a turkey and three pounds of sausages. Of course his friends did not believe this. So the turkey was roasted and put before him on the table. With great astonishment his friends watched him eating the bird. And after some minutes he also swallowed the three pounds of sausages! So they had to pay the money.
The Scotsman finally drank some glasses of beer and then went home together with one of his friends. But when they arrived at the front door of the house, the Scotsman said to his friend: “Please don’t tell my wife that I’ve eaten so much.”
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AT THE DOCTOR’S

at the doctorAT THE DOCTOR’S.
Is there anything more important than health? I don’t think so. “Health is the greatest wealth,” wise people say. You can’t be good at your studies or work well when you are ill.
If you have a headache, heartache, toothache, backache, earache or bad pain in the stomach, if you complain of a sore throat or a bad cough, if you run a high temperature and have a bad cold in your head, or if you suffer from a high or low blood pressure, I think you should consult a doctor.
The doctor will examine your throat, feel your pulse, test your blood pressure, take your temperature, sound your heart and lungs, test your eyes, check your teeth or have your chest X-rayed. After that he will prescribe some treatment, pills, tablets or some other medicine which you can buy at the chemist’s. He will recommend you to stay in bed for some time, because there might be serious complications. The only thing you have to do is to follow his recommendations.
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Robert Burns

Robert Burns

Robert Burns

Robert Burns (1759-1796) is regarded as Scotland’s national poet. Burns was born in a poor farming family. There were seven children in it. Robert was the eldest. He read a lot. Robert was fond of reading. His favourite writer was Shakespeare. At the age of 15 he began to write poems. He wrote hundreds of songs and poems, mainly on country life, love, and national pride. Burns wrote the words of the song “Auld Lang Syne”. Scottish people sing this song when they celebrate the 1st of January, New Year’s Day.
Robert died in 1796. People all over the world know and love his poems.
His birthday is celebrated in many countries of the world each year on 25 January.
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Moscow in numbers

Alexandrovsky Garden

Alexandrovsky Garden

The first, the longest, the tallest

The first Metro line went into service on May 15, 1935, between Sokolniki and Gorki Park. The 11.6-kilometre line served 13 stations. The longest line in Moscow today is the Кaluzhsko-Rizhskay line, from Medvedkovo to Bitsevsky Park. It takes 58 minutes and 30 seconds to travel the 38 km. The Moscow Metro is the busiest underground system in the world. Each day, it carries 9 million passengers, twice as many as either the London Underground or the Paris Metro.

The first railroad station in Moscow was the Nikolayevskiy, later renamed the Leningradskiy, built in 1849. The first rail line between Moscow and St Petersburg was inaugurated in 1851.
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The Boy who growled at tigers

Boy who growled at tigers

Boy who growled at tigers

The Boy who growled at tigers
Once upon a time there was a little Indian boy whose name was Sudi. What Sudi liked most of all was tо growl at tigers.
“Be careful” his mother told him. “Tigers don’t like it when people growl at them.”
But Sudi didn’t care and one day when his mother went out shopping, he went for a walk to find a tiger to growl at.
He hadn’t gone very far when he saw one tiger hiding behind a tree. As soon as Sudi came up, the tiger sprang up and growled, “Gr-r-r, gr-r-r.” And Sudi growled right back, “Gr-r-r, gr-r-r!”
The tiger was annoyed.
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The Name by Henry Cecil

Henry Cecil

Henry Cecil

“GEORGE ELEPHANT!” called the Clerk in Court Number One and a small man with glasses was brought.
«Are you George Elephant?» asked the Clerk.
«I am.»
“You are charged with murder; that you on the 19th day of January murdered Jane Elephant. How say you, George Elephant, are you guilty or not guilty?»
«Not guilty.»
«Very well,» said the Judge. “You may sit down.»
Except for a few remarks on the curious name of the prisoner, few people were interested in the case. The facts as stated were very simple. On the 20th of January the prisoner had walked into a police station. «I have cut my wife’s throat,» he said. «She’s quite dead.»
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Sound of Thunder by Ray Bradbury

Ray Bradbury

Ray Bradbury

Ray Bradbury (born in 1920) is an American writer of science fiction whose stories and novels are popular all over the world. Bradbury’s best writing effectively combines a lively imagination with a poetic style. His most famous works include “Fahrenheit 451”, “The Martian Chronicles”, “Dandelion Wine”. Bradbury has also written poetry, screenplays, and stage plays.

A Sound of Thunder

The sign on the wall read:
TIME SAFARI, INC.
SAFARIS TO ANY YEAR IN THE PAST.
YOU NAME THE ANIMAL.
WE TAKE YOU THERE.
YOU SHOOT IT.
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